#they didnt even do that hes just saying shit

[systems-overloaded]

ill make a seperate post with the non-professional advice i give anyone with mental illness (active or history of) that is seeing a physical medical doctor. because this post ended up pretty long.

~

this is about some of our experiences of mental health issue affecting physical health care. as well as our physical health conditions affecting/interacting with our mental health conditions.

--

forewarning, it is a very long read. i tried to condense it, but i struggle to do that.

--

ooph, this shit is so true. although i do think there's a good amount of truth in neurosciences, i just think there are alot of /neurologists/ specifically that are shams, or at least extremely biased and prejudiced about alot of things. neurologists also seem to have the biggest ego of all specialists drs ive seen.

~

i have a couple genetic disorders, which like i have the clinical profiles for and also have genetic tests that match. but only after alot of years of progressively getting worse and going to so many doctors to try to find out why. i actually had to do a bunch of research when i could, even analysed my raw dna data from an ancestry test, found a specialist in the suspected disorders, and got a very clear clincal diagnosis, then got official WGS testing to further confirm that.

so my self-diagnosis was right for a good couple of my disorders actually, but most were diagnosed by others after the other diagnoses were confirmed.

(like evidence of one phsyical disorder made other drs start to take my other symptoms seriously thankfully, bc now it was less likely to be mental illness/conversion symptoms in their eyes.)

but one of the /very first diagnosis/ that a neurologist tried to give me was Functional Neurological Disorder (which i do think is understood to be a bit different now than conversion syndrome, but to most drs it meant the same thing back then. even now, alot of doctors use FND and conversion disorder interchangeably, they think FND is just conversion disorder but "rebranded" so there's less pushback about a diagnosis, which isnt true.)

but FND is a diagnosis of exclusion. thank fuck my moms knowledgeable about stuff and said "no, you cannot diagnose my child that from one conversation and zero tests except routine labs, thats only by exclusion. you have done no tests to investigate their symptoms." so it never was an offical dx, but it was in the doctors notes still, which follow me to other doctors unfortunately.

it should never be the first thing a neurologist diagnoses or suggests to someone. he probably tried to for me because i was on medicine for anxiety depression and OCD, and was having alot of neurological symptoms.

(he also tried to say all my decline, daily headaches and constant migraines id developed after a TBI was just "post concussion syndrome" and "stress", but it was still going on 4+ years at that point. we had no idea PCS is not supposed to last that long, and trusted him about that at least. but when i had to switch drs, my new neurologist was actually /appalled/ the previous one didnt do further tests, or even get an updated MRI. he honestly seemed in disbelief that the old dr was trying to tell us it was "totally normal" to still be so affected after so long, let alone be having a decline as well.)

id literally had to stop my OCD meds very abruptly and have awful withdraws because he (the old negligent neurolgist) refused to do any further testing until i stopped that medicine (without consulting a psychiatrist even, he just said i had to stop it. such such dangerous and reckless doctor advice/order).

i was progressively declining and having alot of seizures and different dangerous medical events. so i stopped it and suffered bad withdraws ontop of everything else that was happening, went back to him, just for him to say it mustve been stress still, i was "stressed".

-

"its stress" is a dr code phrase for "i dont have any idea whats happening with this patient but my ego will never let me admit that, so im going to blame the patient and say its all anxiety".

alot of drs wont admit if they dont know something. but all of my good drs, who have actually been investigating things and gotten to the bottom of a couple of my disorders, have admitted that because im a complex case, they dont know which issues are being caused by what.

they do tests to rule out or confirm major issues and then we try meds/treatments for various things to see if they help to try and find origins. and sometimes we just wont know what a symptom is from, but the goal is to find ways to improve my quality of life and capabilities, while doing frequent testing to keep an eye on the issue. like, all my best drs put their egos aside and say "lets investigate together".

i have been failed in alot of ways by the medical systems and doctors, but i have also had good drs and recieved alot of help as well.

--

but alot of that good help, only came after advocating and fighting like hell for my symptoms to be investigated properly. after doing a fuck-ton of research myself because the system was failing me and i was dying (literally), then finding a specialist in what i suspected was my main issue. they investigated and tested for it properly, then gave me a clincial diagnosis, then "proof" of the disorder via genetic testing later on.

--

im actually lucky in the sense that i actually have some known variants. because a couple of my genetic disorders dont always have known variants found yet, and despite myself having a very clear clincal profile, some doctors didnt even want to "accept" the diagnosis i was given, until they saw a clear genetic marker. even though i was diagnosed already, it was always "patient suspects ____ disorder, still awaiting WGS test to confirm.", "patient has concerns of ___ disorder, no genetic testing done yet.", "patients claims was diagnosed with ____, but no genetic testing done."

if my doctors hadnt been refusing to treat me for my other disorders, "until genetic tests come back", then i wouldnt have tried to get testing, because alot of drs who specialize in this disorder advocate for patients to NOT get testing, because even if someone has a clear clinical diagnosis and treatments are helping, if genetic results come back negative some doctors will take away the clinical diagnosis, stop treatments, and slap a conversion/FND label on them. then the patient doesnt improve because they dont have that, they have a genetic disorder with an un-found variant.

like, im talking about a disorder that the vast majority of people who have it, DO NOT have an identified variant, and it has clear clinical diagnostic requirements, which i fit. its not a diagnosis of exclusion, i fit the clinical tests and profiles, but so many doctors wouldnt accept my diagnosis unless i had a genetic test showing positive.

--

from the time of clinical diagnosis to actually getting testing was a little over 4 years, and my other doctors were all still treating my very real, very clear clincal diagnosis as if i was just suspecting it. so everything, all treatments except for PT (which always made me worse, which is a known thing with my disorder) and some of the meds i was already on, was being delayed and put into limbo, of "lets wait for the genetic test first", even things unrelated to that diagnosis.

everyone said i needed WGS before anything else, but insurance wouldnt cover it, even with appeals, and fighting for so many years for it. so i had to try and save for it myself which is crazy hard when you're disabled with no income. while saving up, we were still trying to get insurance to cover it.

--

so in this circumstance, thank fuck i actually had some known variants! because if i hadnt? i honestly would be dead. and i firmly believe that would be due to medical negligence and malpractice. which i also firmly believe was rooted in mental illness stigma, and stigma/bias due to the fact that an abuser was intefering with my health care (still is actually) by calling doctors offices and telling them that i have munchausens and/or by proxy.

(which i consider this to still be a mental health stigma/bias issue, not a genuine concern, bc alot of the tests and diagnoses i had are not something that someone can fake??? so seeing those shouldve made drs not take my abuser's words seriously, had they not been so biased about it, had it not clouded their judgment so much.)

-------------------

also, on the topic of phsyical abilities affecting mental health:

ooph i also have alot to say about that, in particular how my disabilities affect my OCD, and sometimes needing other people to engage in my compulsions for me, which sounds really weird when i word it like that.

and often i cant engage in some compulsions, or others cant get things "just right" for me, thats a major theme/pattern for my OCD. so ive basically been getting exposure therapy more and more as my physical abilities declined. and its awful awful for both me and my caregivers/helpers when im trying to convey while very stressed the exact way they need to place something or do something, etc. and when im overhwlemed or dysregulated (like how OCD can cause) then im very prone to meltdowns and to speech loss episodes as well, which then interferes with being able to communicate what i need in that moment too.

~

and needing help requires so much vulnerability, often i have people willing to help. safe people, who i love and the logical part of me knows would never actually hurt me. but with traumas and triggers, sometimes i just dont shower, or dont change my clothes, or i hold my urine in, or dont do some other things if i require help.

(and having experiences that match a PDA autism profile, whether from trauma or autism or a mix of both idk. can make all that worse too. i deny my own needs, even when i can do them, because my body is trying to demand it from me, which feels like a threat to my autonomy and choices.)

on the phsyical capabilities level though, i try to wait it out as long as i can until i can muster the energy and abilities to do something myself, or until i cant wait longer and need help. ill try to orient myself to remind i am safe, and sometimes just have to face those emotions, face those triggers.

i know that sounds bad, and i mean it is bad. i dont want to downplay it too much, but i also think its a fairly normal response to the things have have happened to me, and the loss of control my illnesses cause/create/exacerbate.

i have all the supports in place to be able to recieve that help, im often needing that help, but i need to try to hold onto control and autonomy as much as possible that id rather be lacking in my hygeine (especially bc im not even leaving the house or being very active to get sweaty or gross), or have abdominal pain from holding urine/bowel movements in, than traumatize myself if i might just be able to wait a longer until i have the ability to transfer myself and clean myself.

-

my mental illnesses and PTSD affect my willingness to recieve the help from safe and well meaning people even when i do need it. and that then further can affect my mental and/or phsyical health.

like, its just a really shitty situation, that im still trying to learn the best way to cope with. trying to find the best way to let myself recieve help. to let myself to vulnerable, to truly /feel/ that its safe to ask for help even. not logically know, but actually feel it.

thankfully, my main caregiver is respectful of my "no's", and even if shell emphasize if i need to shower, check ive ate or drank water, and offer me help if i need it, she respects when i say "i need help but i dont want it, ill let you know when it gets to the point you need to be hands-on."

shes well meaning, but we still have some communication issues, especially when i have alot more speech issues, and can struggle to communicate to her.

i often think others can read my mind, not in the delusion way, but in the sense that i assume others can read my body lanaguge (even when im not being physically expressive, flat face, etc), and that the way i feel and the things i need are just already understood by others.

and i dont always realize how different some of my thinking patterns/needs are from others as well, and assume they experience some of the same things, so they are just automatically understand.

-

and ive had multiple instances now, when i was having anaphalaxis, but have traumas around needles i cant control (and auto injectors count as a needle i cant control). ive had to wait until i was too incapacitated from an allergic reaction, to have my mom inject me with an epipen.

i am mentally incapable of injecting an auto injector, and will physically resist when capable too even if i want the epinephrine. i can get really severe flashbacks just /thinking/ about needles being inside me. i cannot get the body to do it.

so, i have given prior consents for her to be able to inject me with an epipen if im having really bad reactions even if i say no. but she has had to wait until im too weak or sick, or just dissociated and disconnected and in fawn/flop/freeze rather than fight/flight, to inject me.

so its at least not too bad of a trauma, but it is still extremely traumatic. to need that, and to need someone i love and feel safe with, need to be the person that injects that needle i cant control.

---

well, this was a very long responses. seems when i do post, i write alot. i can struggle to condense and summarize things well, so i apologize if there was too many details or words.

just writing to the void of the internet, a world of strangers and bots. so if feels like i can be more open i think.

i cant speak for everyone but i feel like it's underrated just how much impact being physically disabled has on mental health. because physically disabled people often have to remind others that we struggle with mental health issues that it sometimes sounds like an afterthought to others. but it's a real impact of being physically disabled. being unable to go outside or leave the bed worsens depression. having actively declining health worsens depression because part of depression is being unable to imagine a future for yourself. it also creates anxiety. you have to rely on people. on carers, family, the government. it's hard to assure anxiety when you are in a precarious position and the "worst case scenario" is not something you can circumvent or deal with, because lack of care will kill you. has killed people like you. being told you are worthless, that people like you should die or never live in the first place has a big impact on mental health. being physically disabled and unable to defend yourself, being forced to rely on people, opens up a lot of opportunities for abuse and trauma. being in pain is traumatic, medical procedures may be traumatic - and being a disabled child leads you to be doubly vulnerable. people often have to focus on their physical needs to keep them alive - to keep them clean and fed and such. and with such little energy to spare it is difficult to manage mental health. all the stigma surrounding mental health doesn't disappear because you're already disabled. sometimes when you do reach out people will just focus on trying to make you less disabled in order to cure the mental illness issue, instead of giving you the tools to help manage it in your current and real life.

[avengerphobic]

god another day of the avengers being stuck up bastards i hope they eat shit and die

#so apparently its illegal to rob banks now? #can't believe what this country is coming to

7 notes

❄️ lunasnowed Follow

you think they've no i shant say #dont come at me for shipping real people #they want us to #theyre practically begging us to

🌟dazzlestar Follow

God did you see how luna snow dismissed dazzler at the vmas...... she needs to learn some respect for the heroes that came before her

❄️lunasnowed Follow

kill yourself #sorry dazzler didnt come before her #dazzler is a never has been #luna is an actual popstar dazzler never actually managed that #plus luna has stated in multiple interviews that she doesn't know a lot of American artists #can yall just lay off of her for one minute

⚖️ superheropolls Follow

🧊 iceygirl Follow

LUNA SWEEP

#who even cares about dazzler irrelevant lol

2,657 notes

🧚‍♀️ pixie Follow

i just know that last luna snow song was shading dazzler

🎸lilacheneyfan Follow

thats what i thought 😭 i bet shes a mutantphobe

🕸️ snowspider Follow

yeah and did you jump to those conclusions from the two lines of english or did you both suddenly learn korean #yall will call anyone mutantphobic #obviously she's talking about her enemies in her songs #but yall dont even know korean so you wouldnt know that

1,567 notes

🌻 chulkstan Follow

he's so. 😳 #hi amadeus cho #Hiiiii Hello Haiiii

49 notes

⚡ msmarvelofficial Follow

these dazzler fans are getting so annoying..... luna snow doesn't even know who she is and yall are making things up out of nothing

⚡msmarvelofficial Follow

fuck

🔐 magnetosbitch Follow

??? wow ig that inhuman genes still active

⚡ msmarvelofficial Follow

love the unprompted racism on my post thanks :) #this is why its hard to be a dazzler fan when her stans act like this #anyway stan luna snow

854 notes

🐯 tigerdivision1 Follow

lol another member of x-factor died maybe if he stanned luna snow

84 notes

🎸 has-rick-jones-released-new-music Follow

no

4 notes

🌙 lunamoona Follow

i do think posting luna snow fancams under the x-factor death news on twitter is a tad bit tacky

8 notes

🧚‍♀️pixie Follow

👩🏼 dazzlerpinkhairera Follow

omg where did you get this!!!!!

43 notes

🗿 msthannnngggg Follow

all this beef between dazzler and luna snow fans. meanwhile the darla deering stans stay winning

#unproblematic queen

12 notes

🐺 theonlyrickjonesfan Follow

i dont care about kpop obv but i do find the way they all just stream a song until it's number 1 really weird like ? it should be natural or its not even worth it

🌈 aeropleasecallme Follow

rick jones fans mad they didnt think of it first

🐺 theonlyrickjonesfan Follow

actually you're right stream seduction of the innocent now

#this is how rick can still win

7 notes

[sexysturn]

MAKE YOU MINE.

FWB!BSF!DRIVER!CHRIS x DRUNK!READER

warnings: SMUT. mentions of being used for your body, sex while drunk, fingering, oral f!recieving, spitting on face/in mouth (???), squirting, getting caught, creampie, unprotected p in v (dont do this), names: “good girl, baby, ma, slut, darling, love, etc”.

summary: you and chris have always felt something besides just a fling for each other, its just never been said out loud. but you, madison, and nick decide to go out for the night. you forget to tell your best friend chris where youre going, and you get a little too drunk, nick and madison cant drive, so chris has to drive you home. but theres too much tension for chris to handle himself tonight.

not proofread.

authors note: this has a VERY long intro guys sorry whoopsie i locked in

i cant focus my eyes on anything. the whole room is filled with purple and pink lights. all i hear is the muffled laughter and conversations in the bar and my friend madison screaming something at what i have to assume is nick.

“NICKKK THIS IS MY SONGGGG” madison drunkenly shouts, slurring her words almost more than mine. “NO WAYY!!” nick yells.

nick is the only sober one out of me and madison. i dont know how or why he is even dealing with us right now.

“nick!” i shout over the katy perry song thats playing for the fourth time tonight, and the large crowd of guys hitting on madison, hoping he hears me. he scans the crowd til he connects eyes with me. “is everything okay?” he says in my ear once he makes his way next to me through the group of grown men flirting with madison.

“nick fuck i think i- i forgot to tell chris where i went with you and mads” i say as i slur my words and almost fall over into nicks arms a solid three times. “shit its okay,” nick reassured me, “he probably assumed you went somewhere with me and madison when we left the house anyway its alright”

“n- no. hes gonna be mad” i say, realizing i havent even checked my phone for God knows how long to text him. shit.

all of a sudden i dart to where nick, madison and i left our bags, leaving nick confused contemplating on whether he should chase after me or not.

i text chris, hoping hes not mad. he hasnt texted me since i left, that cant be good.

me:

hi chris

chris:

what the fuck. ive been so worried about you why haven’t my texts gone through since you left!?

me:

shit im sorry i didnt twll you where i went i just assumed you knew where njck and madison were going cause you knew i was goibg with them.

shit i cant spell, hes gonna know im drunk as fuck

chris:

no i didnt fucking know you were going with them, plus none of my texts have sent to them either!! where the fuck are you do you need me to come get you??? are you drunk!?

me:

im at the bar dowb by the beacj but no i dont need you to come ger me

chris:

you didnt answer my other question, are you drunk?

me:

no

chris:

liar. im omw.

fuck.

i scan through the massive crowd with my purse clutched to my side trying to find nick or madison, preferably both.

i spot nick, talking to some random guy. i probably startled this poor guy when i ran up to nick basically bashing into his arm trying to tell him that chris is on the way to come get me and he seems mad.

nick has always known chris is protective of me. nick also looks worried for me, scanning me up and down. “you sure you want chris to see you out partying drunk as hell in that dress…”

he hands me his leather jacket and puts it on one of my arms and before i know it i feel a cold hand grab me by the forearm before i can fully put nicks jacket on.

its chris.

im getting practically dragged away by him, my visions still blurry, and my thoughts disoriented.

i get in chris’ car outside and he starts interrogating me.

“why didnt you tell me where you went!? what if something happened to you?!! why didnt you text me at all??”

im overwhelmed by all the questions, i can barely think. “im sorry, chris!” i shout “i figured you’d assume i went with nick and madison to the bar and it slipped my mind to text you.”

chris is silent after what i say, i glance over confused.

chris’ gaze is taken by the outfit i have on. a dark red sequin dress with holes at the sides exposing most of my waist, and a scarily low v neck which exposes my tits which are damn near about to fall out the dress.

“what are you thinking wearing that,” he says protectively, “are you trying to get laid by some random guy at the bar!?”

“no”

no? thats all im able to say? why am i nervous?

“hm. maybe ill knock some sense into you later then, teach you its not alright to display yourself like that to everyone” chris huffs.

what does that mean?

chris is silent the rest of the drive home, so am i.

we make it home and chris brings me to his room, giving me some of his clothes to change into.

boxers and a baggy “boston” t shirt.

i decide to change in his room because im too drunk to walk anymore and get to a bathroom. i ask chris for help unzipping my dress.

he comes and helps me, he gets dangerously close to my jawline with his fingers running up and down my back, to my collarbones, which is very unnecessary.

a shiver goes down my spine as he unzips my dress.

all of a sudden, he pulls and drops my dress to my ankles and acts like it was an accident.

“shit sorry” he turns around.

i dont say anything.

we are in his bed watching some random movie, and i feel his cold hand graze over my thigh, causing me to shiver again against my will.

“y’know, that dress was really pretty on you,” he says to me without hesitation. “t- thank you?”

i cant tell if he’s joking and messing with ms caise he is still mad, or if he’s being serious.

“ive always thought you were pretty.” he whispers. “im sorry i got mad earlier. i just dont want other people seeing you and thinking they can use you, you were so drunk”

“i know but i had it under control”

“did you? did you have it under control when you told nick earlier that me and you have hooked up before.”

what.

i did not do that. i couldnt have. was i really that drunk??

next thing i know i feel his hand trace up my thigh again and get scarily close to my core, which was growing embarrassingly wet from the memories of our last hookup now running through my mind, and all the shit chris did when he was unzipping my dress.

his hand finally reaches my core, he rubs circles around my clothed clit.

“you wanna dress like a slut at the bar, huh?” he hisses. “and you wanna get so shitface drunk that you accidentally tell my brother what me and you did?”

“i- im sorry, chris.”

“dont be.”

he stops rubbing my clit and he traces the band of the boxers on me, slowly pulling them down.

“youve always been a slut,” he throws the blanket off of us and pulls my boxers fully off, exposing my glistening pussy to the cold air of his room. “see. youre wet from me getting angry arent you, ma” he slaps my sensitive pussy, making me wince.

“y- yes” i whine, “please chris, touch me”

“whatd you say love, i didnt hear you” he teases while looking me dead in the eyes.

“touch me, please, chr-” before i can finish my sentence, with my mouth open he takes rhe opportunity to spit in my mouth.

holy fuck

“ohh, you couldve just asked.” abruptly he sticks his long middle finger into my aching hole, thrusting slowly. “faster, please.” i beg.

he listens and goes faster, causing me to let out an embarrassingly loud moan. he adds another finger and curls them right into my sweet spot.

“f- fuck!” i let out. “im close.”

“already?” he pulls his fingers out, causing me to whine again at the loss.

all of a sudden he strips completely and his nearly rock hard dick is exposed and seems larger than it ever has. he orders me to take off my shirt, and my tits are exposed.

“so sexy, ma” he grabs my tits and slowly moves his way back down to my still throbbing hole. he licks right from my hole to my clit leaving a slick trail. and he sticks his tounge into my hole causing my back to arch off the bed and i let out a borderline pornographic moan as his fingers begin rubbing circles on my clit again.

he moves his tounge around inside me going as deep as he can while his fingers still work steady circles on my clit. “shit. chris- dont s- stop.” i feel the knot in my stomach tighten, and without warning i squirt.

chris pulls his face away and starts aggressively rubbing on my clit causing me to keep squirting for what felt like forever.

“youre so fuckin sexy ma, only i can make you do that huh?” he says, “my fuckin slut”

“y- yes chris. only you, im yours” this makes him let out a sly chuckle. “i know.”

all of a sudden i feel his dick thrust into me, quickly and without warning. i let out an insane moan and so does he.

his moans are so fucking hot.

“fuck- chris!”

“hm?” he questions, his voice already shaky.

i dont even reply, he knows what i want. i just try my hardest to focus. his cock hitting my gspot perfectly every. single. thrust. his moans are bringing me to the edge so fucking fast.

“c- chris. im gonna cum” my voice is so shaky. his thrusts are gettinf sloppier by the second and i feel the knot in my stomach break. and i feel his cum fill me up.

we finished at the same time

we are both a moaning mess together and he pulls out of me, both of our cum dripping out of me.

then we hear chris’ bedroom door open… its madison and nick, they’re home.

“WHAT THE FUCK” they both shout in unison, nick slamming the door back shut immediately.

oops.

[dogcodedcatboy]

aaron and roman's first christmas together (kinda)

word count: ~2.1k

[some early relationship stuff. roman isn't used to affection, aaron lays it on thick. mostly roman's POV. no proofreading other than myself so sowwy for typos and pretend i didnt post this at 5:30 am]

❄️ dividers by issysh3ll ❄️

"Well, if it isn't my favorite caterer..." Roman chuckles to himself as he opens the door to his penthouse. He eyes the numerous bags in his boyfriend's hands. It's much more than he usually shows up with, Aaron’s duffle bag accompanied by a gift bag, all sparkly and festive and a little nauseating. "...and still catering, I see. Do you ever, like, turn it off? Or is this just an all-the-time thing?" He waves his hand around, gesturing to everything his boyfriend is carrying as he steps aside to let Aaron in.

They've been 'official' for three months now. Well, as 'official' as they can be when Roman is a total

closet case. Making his doorman sign an NDA seemed like an overreaction, but it lessened the stress of Aaron coming over like this.

"What can I say? I aim to please, even off the clock." Aaron leans in to give Roman a quick peck on the cheek as he makes his way inside. He'd never show up to his /boyfriend's/ apartment empty-handed, certainly not around the holidays.

You're such a suck-up." Roman rolls his eyes and pretends to act annoyed, but the small smile on his face betrays him and he readily leans into the cheek kiss. His eyes drift over Aaron's ugly Krampus sweater. "Ugh, and you look like an elf that got fired for jerking it to freaky BDSM elf porn in his cubicle. And I told you not to get me presents..."

"A porn-addict elf? Really? I think you're projecting." Aaron smirks as he sets his bags down on the kitchen island. "You invited me over 5 days before Christmas, that means we're doing Christmas. Full-frontal, whole-hog, balls-to-the-walls Christmas. I brought cookies and-"

"Jesus Christ, no you didn't. The world's first Marxist faggot tradwife. You're insane." Roman follows Aaron to the kitchen.

Naturally, he has to act annoyed about this. It's admittedly quite nice, having a (relatively) normal person that wants to engage in the mundane coupley bullshit that Roman always wanted but feared he'd never have. However, part of him is perturbed. He really doesn't do this stuff and he's weirdly worried about fucking it up. He knows he hasn't been nailing the whole boyfriend-intimacy-romance thing, even though he was the one who wanted to make it official in the first place.

But he tries. He left a nice bottle of wine on the counter, a cabernet sauvignon that he knows Aaron likes. A romantic gesture. See? He can do those.

Aaron laughs at his joke, as he always does. He then gestures toward the wine. “Hey, nice cab sav. I brought stuff though." Roman watches as Aaron unpacks one of the bags, some peppermint schnapps, vanilla vodka, and a small baggy of red and white powder.

He leans against the counter, crossing his arms. Outdone once again by his stupid thoughtful boyfriend. "Mmm, yes, who my lovely expensive wine when you can have...what is that..ooh, cheap vodka...peppermint liqueur, and..." Roman looks over the selection, eyes narrowing at the plastic bag. "Ooh, and some festive peppermint coke? Nose candy?"

"It's stuff for peppermint martinis, dumbass...and that's crushed-up candy cane for the rims-"

"Oh, c'mon, that's...that's gay. Capital 'G' gay."

"Roman. We are, in fact, gay." Aaron snickers, although he's trying to sound stern.

"Yeah, sure, but not like that though. That's some serious shit."

"So you want yours /without/ the rim? Because it's too gay...?" Aaron raises an eyebrow.

"...No. Okay, fuck you, if you're getting the stupid candy rim, I want it too." Roman concedes playfully, rolling his eyes as he grabs the cocktail shaker and glasses off of his bar cart.

"Okay, duly noted." Aaron's voice is dripping with that sarcasm and faux-irritation that Roman has come to adore. "Oh, and for the record, are the cookies too gay as well? If so, I can throw them right out? Or, like, we could punch them into tiny pieces or something. You know, manly straight guy stuff."

Roman scoffs but his gaze keeps flicking down to the tin of cookies. "Well, they could be gay...guess it depends..."

He reaches out to open it, his fingers anxiously prying at the lid. Inside is an arrangement of glazed gingerbread cookies, each with a unique snowflake design pressed into the top. They're stupidly beautiful, it makes no sense to Roman why anyone would do this bullshit for him.

He tries to keep up the bit. "...Yup, these ones are definitely gay…” He looks down at the tin for a moment, trying and failing not to get all sappy. “You...made these?" Roman asks awkwardly, his voice quiet and more gentle than usual. He doesn't want to seem like he cares about the damn cookies so much, but... well, how could he not? He glances over at Aaron, trying to get a read from him.

"Of course I did, dummy," Aaron replies with a playful smirk, his eyes flickering with amusement as he mixes their drinks. He says it so casually as if Roman's the crazy one for being surprised that someone would do such a thing.

Roman's still staring at the cookies, his expression blank. "You... you didn't have to do that, you know?" His voice is low, his eyes finally flicking back up. He can feel the same warm, fluttery feeling he's come to associate with being around Aaron.

"I know I don't have to," Aaron retorts, his voice tinged with a mix of defiance and conviction as he lifts his gaze to meet Roman's eyes. He radiates an intense, almost protective warmth, something Roman seems to envy, fear, and adore in equal parts. "I do what I do because I want to."

Roman is used to obligatory love, whatever rotten love spreads between his family. Love that hurts more than it could ever begin to heal. Being with Aaron like this, like as his partner, was so overwhelming and so beautiful, like staring right into a fucking solar eclipse. Roman blinks. His jaw clenches and relaxes as he tries to process the answer.

He's quiet for a moment, until eventually he speaks again, his voice rough. "Right. Well, maybe you're just weirdly sentimental. And gay. Gay and overly sentimental." He picks out a cookie, gingerly turning it between his fingertips to examine the details on the top. He tries to come up with something else to say, he tries to mask the vulnerable feeling in his chest. "Did you like, spend hours shaping every damn snowflake?"

"No, Christ, No. They're stamped on. I wouldn't waste that much of my time on you." He teases back. Aaron doesn't look put off by Roman's less-than-enthusiastic reaction. He's still as smug as ever as if he knows Roman is going all soft inside. Of course he knows, no matter how hard Roman tried to avoid it at first, Aaron knows his stupid neuroses and intricacies and how weird he is about all of this stuff.

It's both maddening and endearing how perceptive he is. Roman wants to hate it, deny the mushy feelings, and act like the arrogant prick he is... but the way Aaron looks at him is intoxicating. “You're so... infuriating sometimes," Roman mutters under his breath.

"Mmm...you love it." Aaron has finished mixing the drinks, he leaves them on the counter for a moment as he moves to step behind Roman, his arms wrapping around his shorter boyfriend's waist. "Why don't you just try one already?"

Roman leans back into Aaron's chest, letting out a soft hum. He glances down at the cookies as Aaron wraps his arms around him, his body relaxing. He's gotten more comfortable being casually touched and hugged, a vast improvement from the earlier part of their relationship. He reaches out, selecting one of the iced gingerbread cookies. He lets out another deep sigh as if indulging in sweets were some kind of inconvenience. He takes a tentative nibble.

His face softens as he tastes it. The cookies are perfect, just like everything his stupid talented boyfriend makes. The icing is smooth, and not too sweet. The gingerbread is soft and pleasantly spicy. He takes a much larger bite before he speaks, his voice low and soft. "They're... They're really good. Don't let it go to your head."

Aaron's smirk grows wider, he's clearly letting it go to his head already, the fact that he's making Roman a melt into puddle. He leans down to nuzzle the side of Roman's neck, planting a kiss just below his ear. "You could say 'thank you', you know. Manners cost nothing, you spoiled prick." He purrs.

"Pft, since when do I have manners?" He mutters, his usual arrogance lacking its natural bite. He crams another piece of the cookie into his mouth, humming in satisfaction.

Aaron chuckles against Roman's neck before planting another kiss there. His breath is hot against his skin. “So rude. Maybe my talents would be better appreciated elsewhere…?”

Roman's brain runs through a million biting quips, insults, and sarcastic digs, but it's a losing battle, like a gazelle trying to fight off a lion. "...Fine." He says awkwardly, his cheeks going slightly rosy, "...thanks for the cookies, happy?"

"See? You /are/ capable of being polite after all."

"Ugh, shut up." Roman huffs. He rolls his eyes and reaches out to take a second cookie from the tin. He leans back against Aaron, their bodies pressing together. He can almost feel the smugness exuding from Aaron behind him and it's kind of pissing him off, but simultaneously he's never felt more loved. He takes another bite, mumbling against the cookie. "You're lucky you're hot."

"Awww. There's a compliment in there somewhere." Aaron purrs, watching contentedly as Roman digs into the cookies properly. “Don't forget your festive booze." Aaron gestures towards the half-forgotten martinis on the counter.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm getting to it." Roman mumbles through a mouthful. He grabs the glass from the counter, taking a few moments to admire Aaron's handiwork. Even the alcohol looks obnoxiously perfect, like something out of a Christmas catalog. He sips it. "God, this is disgustingly girly." He tries to conceal the fact that he's covertly trying to lick the candy off of the edge of the glass

"You're licking the rim. I saw that." He breaks off the embrace to grab his own drink. "Roman Roy, caught in 4k, enjoying frivolous holiday baked goods and cocktails."

"Oh, shaddup. I like the stupid candy cane stuff. Sue me." Roman continues to sip at his drink and nibble on the cookies. It does feel nice to indulge a bit. "So...what's next in our Christmas Ass-blast Spectacular?" He regrettably missed feeling Aaron pressed up against him, he'd never flat out ask his

boyfriend to go cuddle on the couch, but he's secretly hoping that's what's on the docket. He hopes Aaron can't see the neediness in his eyes, but it's hard to miss.

"Well, we have drinks and snacks so....might I suggest a heartwarming, classic, Christmas movie?" Aaron starts wandering towards the living room, expecting Roman to follow.

""Oof. Don't expect me to watch some sappy garbage about an orphan saving Christmas or some shit. If you're gonna make me watch a Christmas movie, It better be Die Hard..." He trails after Aaron, bringing along his drink and several more of those gingerbread cookies. The heartburn will be worth it.

"Of course it's Die Hard, don't be stupid." Aaron smirks as he flops down on Roman's big fancy sectional. He sprawls out with plenty of room for Roman to curl up against him.

"Thank god." Roman mutters as he sits down, taking up residence on the couch and taking the opportunity to curl up with his head against Aaron's chest. He sips his drink as he looks up at his boyfriend, taking him all in. "You know, the only good thing about this time of year is you." He deadpans, as if the admission wasn't absolutely adorable and incredibly out of character for him.

Aaron grins, bringing his hand up to run through Roman's hair. "Aww, how romantic. All the peppermint and gingerbread must be giving you some kind of Christmas poisoning, making you all sappy." The teasing tone is affectionate, just earnest enough that it doesn't make Roman go all weird from the emotional intimacy. "But...thanks, I guess? I just...love you, or whatever. I want you to be happy, I like spending time with you...etcetera etcetera."

Roman grumbles stubbornly, his cheeks turning slightly red at the sweet nothings. He nuzzles his head against Aaron's hand, soliciting more head pets. This still feels so strange, being loved, being safe, not having to worry about the other shoe waiting to drop. He murmurs against his chest, his voice quiet and uncharacteristically open. "I love you too, dickhead... I'll be happy as long as I get to spend Christmas with you, so shut up and put on the damn movie."

For all the happy memories he's never had with the holidays he's finally gaining some.

[sieglinde-freud]

fire emblem awakenings future past dlc is the greatest thing intelligent systems has ever put out (biased statement) partly bc the story is the best thing thats ever happened to me but mostly because part 3 has gerome, severa, and laurent roasting the fuck out of grima moments before very likely death like omfg

like omfg they dgaf… ESPECIALLY LAURENT, LIKE…

hes so fucking mad 😭😭😭

[ruporas]

special operatives (silly interaction beneath read more)

[ID: Digital Art in color of Trigun Maximum, characters included are Wolfwood, Elendira, and Legato in a casual meeting situation. The piece consists of orangey yellow lighting and purple shadows. Wolfwood sits on the left side, facing Elendira who’s on the right. He’s seated on a plain wooden chair with one knee up and he’s holding the strap to his Punisher in his left hand while his right sits against his thigh, He has an irritated expression as he speaks to Elendira. Elendira is sitting in a fancier seat, her right arm rests against Wolfwood’s propped up knee, her left hand holds her suitcase. She’s sitting cross legged with an amused expression. Legato can be seen in the back at the center of the image in his mobile body case, one of his eyes shown to be glaring at Wolfwood. End ID]

[ID: Sketch, uncolored comic. Elendira says to Wolfwood, “I’m not telling you to dedicate yourself to him, but just accept the situation at hand. We could get along better if we were on the same page.” Wolfwood responds, “Don’t peg me me for an optimist. I’m not dumb. But, I’m also not going to just live in resignation. Plus, I don’t have any interest in getting along with ya.” Elendira coos, “Aw, you sure? I have a wonderful shoulder to cry on when the weak people you’re trying to protect eventually dies in the coming months. Though, I guess it’s fine. Someone like you might just die before then anyway...” She snickers in her hand while Wolfwood is speechless and just glares. Legato is faintly drawn in the back, glaring at Wolfwood, muttering “worthless” repetitively. End ID]

[chessb0r3d]

i cracked the code.

[pa-pa-plasma]

hey i feel like we're really sleeping on that time Danny possessed Vlad & framed him for assaulting a minor

Editing with the clip because people don't believe me. Episode is 41: Eye for an Eye.

[screechingfromthevoid]

that was an exercise in "who's going to tell Orym and Dorian to fuck" chicken

[xxplastic-cubexx]

talking to my brother about quicksilver and i was like 'ik him and wanda are twins but he exudes little brother energy so much' and my bro Without Hesitation just went 'well thats what happens when you're the least favorite in the family' and he says this to me, the youngest in our family like 🧍‍♂️

[jessiesjaded]

I really, really wish people who don't have the capacity to properly take care of animals would simply accept and acknowledge that about themselves. This isn't even a post of me trying to be mean or judge anyone, I'm sure most people go into getting an animal with good intentions, but intentions and actions are different. If you don't have the time and the space and the care an animal needs, the animal will suffer. The fleeting joy of having a kitten or puppy or anything else doesn't last forever and they aren't toys to be put down and forgotten once you've moved past the inital excitement. If you don't have the ability to properly care for an animal, just accept that and simply admire them from a distance.

[mercutiotakethewheel]

ok so realistically i know theres important character reasons Kendra (and Seth and Warren by extension) never suspect Gavarog. It’s the old society trick to set up threats as team bonding exercises, etc, etc. plus this is a new and unfamiliar world thats rapidly overtaking her real world and replacing all her existing relationships, and right now Gavarog’s like the only member of her magical-worl peer group, so she doesnt want him to be a traitor, just like she didnt want Vanessa, her only female mentor to be a traitor, etc , etc.

but also i wholeheartedly 100% believe that every time Gavin did some truly bizarre, weird ass shit Kendra was just like. damnnnn…. average home school kid behavior.

[freakinator]

vagueing but i think certain ppl need to realize that you can be both manipulative And traumatized 😭

[reel-fear]

Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:

The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.

2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]

3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.

4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]

5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]

Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]

At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]

6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.

7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.

He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]

8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!

So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.

Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?

So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.

I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.

The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.

anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.

As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.

Also the books, the books slap.

[sunscall]

just imagined mac reading the self help book, giggling to himself about his little joke to make charlie spell his name as "cat", only to see charlie write "cat <3 mac 4evr". how he probably went silent then, maybe cried a little too, because it was the first time he was ever told by someone he loved that he was loved back.

[6-epigraphs]

Have we ever seen this old man being affectionate with drivers or other juniors? Or just Yuki? I don't even think I've seen him this close to Max and Seb (off the podium at least)

Brother.